Rideback - Episode 4: "A Close Call for Shoko"

Oh no! Wait, which one is Shoko? Is he the guy with the glasses? Or the guy with no pupils? Or that third chubby guy? Or the stalker chick? Okay, I don’t know anyone’s name. Ever. In fact, I couldn’t tell you the name of the main character of ANY of the shows I’ve watched. The only name I still adequately remember is Dmitri, and that’s because his character was played by Harold.

LAST TIME: The big race was apparently right around the corner, and everyone raced. The ballerina did okay but crashed her loaner rideback, but apparently isn’t responsible for it because… Oh, and also some political intrigue, I don’t know.

Trouble #4

Hey I was wondering, you want to go see that new Twilight movie? Look, I know the answer is no but can we still go see the Twilight movie? Please? For me? Come on….

LAST TIME: May is a horrible person, and as punishment from god or some bullshit, she totally got knocked up. Of course, she knew this was a distinct possibility, but she still continued to slut it up, and it makes me feel bad that I dislike her character as much as I do. It’s not my fault that I dislike every decision she makes!

No Ordinary Family - Episode 6: "No Ordinary Visitors"

They are from outer space! And they have wacky powers! How will we keep that noisy neighbor from finding out? Stop snooping, Mrs. Kravitz!

LAST TIME: Some chick with earthquake powers bothers the family, but not that much, and they definitely don’t succeed in taking care of the problem at all. Also, the bad guys totally know who they are now, so that’s bad. Oh, and some idiot decides that not coming clean about a relationship he’s having with a student’s parent was wiser than keeping it super secret and endangering his career, because he’s an idiot.

Do They Know It's Christmas

Merry Christmas, dummies! As a special holiday snarklet, how about we all sit back and listen to one of my least favorite Christmas songs, “Do They Know It’s Christmas.” Oh man, the white guilt just dripping from this thing. It is delicious. So hit play, sit back, and let’s listen.

0:09 Who is “us“?

0:28 Imagine this line being sung by a guy holding a knife.

1:25 And urine! Don’t forget urine!

1:35 I didn’t know that African militia walked around with chimes of doom.

1:52 Which is probably good because that would make it worse.

2:15 Probably not? How would that affect things?

2:40 I’m really glad they started showing imagines of people doing something, because I was getting quite worried.

3:04 Ah yeah, the popular bright pink “Let’s Save Lives” shirts. Those were a classic.

3:27 In case you missed it, Feed the World.

3:57 Thanks guys, that’s really nice of you. Ending on an image of a corpse.

Verdict: That video is sadder than I thought it would be! I’m sorry everyone! Have a happy anyway!

Yes Virginia

Netflix Synopsis: Set in 1897, this animated holiday tale follows the efforts of plucky, 8-year-old Virginia as she crisscrosses New York City to discover whether there really is a Santa Claus. Her answer comes from an unlikely source -- a crusty newspaper editor.

Well that’s not a nice thing to say about the newspaper editor! It’s not his fault his profession isn’t glamorized by the public, it’s still very important, especially 100 years ago, when newspapers mattered. Also, what’s the over-under on another Macy’s plug?