LAST TIME: May, after looking into some reasonable and logical alternatives involving her teenage pregnancy, decides that maybe she should just run away. It is a terrible plan.
Page 1, Panel 1: So, great. Now May is just sleeping with random dudes. Also, you’re never going to get that wine out of the blanket. That’s just careless.
Page 2, Panel 2: Things got confused, i.e., I just decided to sleep with my best friend’s boyfriend for no reason whatsoever.
Page 2, Panel 3: Also afraid that this guy I hooked up with seems to be hanging out with cartoon pirates.
Page 2, Panel 4: What does battery acid even smell like?
Page 3, Panel 4: Ah, so May was planning to be a criminal delinquent since she was 11. Also, how about some lesbian shaming?
Page 4, Panel 2: Oh no, her Vulcan evil twin has found her! Oh no, never mind, they just drew the ear weird.
Page 5, Panel 5: She’s going to use the telephone! Wait, she just did that.
Page 7, Panel 2: Oh wonderful. Apparently May is being beaten by this random hick.
Page 7, Panel 3: And her best friend is a-ok with that! What great people!
Page 8, Panel 3: Man, what a bitch.
Page 8, Panel 5: Another random era affirming statement. A statement referencing an event that has got to be at least eight years old? Just reel it in, guys.
Page 9, Panel 1: Why would she stop working? Why would everyone’s life change because of your mistake, May?
Page 9, Panel 5: Forty-seven times? That is a lot of sex. Quite a bit. Also, who was counting?
Page 10, Panel 1: You think this jackass will beat you to death if he finds out you are pregnant based on no fault of his own? He would have to be a complete bastard.
Page 10, Panel 4: Suicide everyone! What a fun, new series for girls!
Page 12, Panel 2: Ah, making sexy metaphors with your dad, good times.
Page 12, Panel 3: Wait what it’s winter already. And the girls went back to the Hamptons to get management certificates? Don’t they have school? I thought this was a summer job.
Page 13, Panel 4: Ah…look at this little thug. He’s all like, “Yeah, check me out, I’m illegitimate as shit.”
Page 14, Panel 1: Wait, how is Dad involved? What the hell did Dad do?
Page 14, Panel 4: Wait…this isn’t her baby. She’s not imprinted on this baby at all. What the hell is going on?
Page 15, Panel 2: Hang on, is he really not putting two-and-two together here? Did he just forget that he knocked up May? What the hell did he think he was fighting with Ben about?
Page 15, Panel 5: Why is Mary blackmailing this guy with not her baby? Why ruin this guy’s life for your best friend? Do you want to raise this kid?
Page 16, Panel 3: So…Mary does love this jackass and just wants to test him? Also, how is a child a “basic responsibility?”
Page 16, Panel 4: Yeah, it does make the fortune teller right because you’re going out of your way to self-fulfill that prophecy! You can not do this, maybe?
Page 17, Panel 5: Well, it’s a good thing that Peter Parker won’t let you die! No matter what!
Page 18, Panel 2: I was not aware that any of these people were monied enough to have a fancy wedding, even after the shotgun part.
Page 18, Panel 3: Hey, you guys have heard of Bucky Barnes, right? The guy who should be completely and totally dead (or at least in Russia) when this was set? That guy?
Page 18, Panel 5: Also, my boyfriend totally exists, he’s just in Canada right now.
Page 19, Panel 1: Wait, was that also an obvious joke? Because otherwise, you just said you were dating a married man.
Page 19, Panel 3: Yep! Totally lost that baby! Didn’t give birth to him then gave him to my best friend so she could blackmail your brother into marrying her. That didn’t happen.
Page 20, Panel 1: The Knack? What a weird band to reference. Isn’t that a band from the 80’s?
Page 20, Panel 5: Hey, I’m sad that our relationship collapsed because you cheated on me 47 times. Let me reference you a guy who will sell you a van.
Page 21, Panel 5: Oh ho! Smooth move, Romeo. The old “pretend to sell her a van” trick.
Verdict: That was pretty bad. The final plot machinations didn’t make any sense, because it made everyone look like an idiot, and the paper-thin ties to the Spider-Man mythos made everything worse. It is impossible to believe these are the same people, because nothing makes any sense. Also, what the hell was Bucky Barnes doing there?
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