No Ordinary Family - Episode 10: "No Ordinary Sidekick"

I know I’m going to regret this, but I hope they introduce a new character here. Someone with superpowers who isn’t one of these four jerks or a sociopath. Maybe then we can get some light on what the hell is going on?

LAST TIME: A nice night on the town took a left turn into vigilanteville, with Darla decided basic human rights no longer applied if you’re a bad guy, but then the guy died for sand or whatever, so it’s a moot point. Also, some shenanigans involving a broken vase or statue or something, I don’t know, it was sitcom level submoronic. Also, Minion lost his superpowers for a week, no idea why.

The Prince and the Pauper: Double Trouble

Just…just look at that. Look at it. Look at that thing.

Netflix Synopsis: When poor beggar Tom Canty and Prince Edward of England meet, they're shocked to find they look exactly alike. The two boys decide to have a little fun and switch places, but the plan backfires in a big way.

Rideback - Episode 6: "The Lightning-Fast Rideback"

Wait, there is more than one type of rideback? What good is one that isn’t fast? Isn’t that exactly what they are designed for? I mean, I don’t see these things at a construction site, even though that would totally be useful!

LAST TIME: Nothing happened. No serious, we saw some news reports, it rained, everyone was really morose for some reason, but nothing goddamn happened.

Danger Girl Prologue

Hey guys. Boobs. Am I right?

I’m taking a break from the big two to take a look at the other stuff. I’m not a huge fan of indie stuff, even though I should be, because while there is a lot of interesting non-hero stuff, the majority of the stuff that actually gets bought is boring licensed stuff, half-assed faux artistic stuff (looking at you, Lil’ Depressed Boy), and just straight-up cheesecake.

Danger Girl is of the latter, which is probably pretty obvious. I know little about this, except it’s the second property by the creator of Gen-13, which is seeing a bit of an comeback now that Wildstorm is officially in the DC universe now, and that this property itself is back on the shelves again. But hey, what do I need to know? Cute girl with a gun, hur hur.

No Ordinary Family - Episode 9: "No Ordinary Anniversary"

Everyone knows the eighteen year anniversary is the superpowers anniversary, but what do you get your wife when she already has them?

LAST TIME: Chiklis’s superpowers were short circuiting because of his wife’s new lipstick. The family feels obligated to give a teacher super surgery so he doesn’t flunk Tiberius. Pills doesn’t like sushi. Minion is pretending to date Marcia, despite having all the info he needs to get the family killed. All of these things happened, and they don’t make any sense.

Triumphant

We will return! Returning with our regularly scheduled snark next Monday, with even more episodes of No Ordinary Family, Rideback, and on Wednesday, we start reading the complete(?) Danger Girl! It has boobs in it!

No Ordinary Family - Episode 8: "No Ordinary Accident"

Man, these titles are so hard to make up funny things about. They only change like one damn word. Accidents aren’t that exciting guys.

LAST TIME: A surprisingly lot! There’s a mobster who sees Chiklis’s face, but he gets killed, and Minion suddenly knows who Chiklis is, but doesn’t tell anyone. Instead he goes on a date with Marcia, which she was on because Tiberius tried to woo her for some stupid reason. Also, Pills reads minds and Darla runs fast. This isn’t news.

Rideback - Episode 5: "The Mysterious RideBack Girl"

There’s another one? I thought we already had two mysterious rideback ladies. Well, hey, more ladies, more things to masturbate to. I mean!

LAST TIME: The best friend was suddenly and inexplicably trapped during a terrorist attack, and the ballerina decided the only logical action was to go and save her on a Rideback. This caused the entire army (all of them) to fire guns at them, and they manage to escape thanks to some white-haired guy. I don’t know.

Trouble #5

Is this annoying? I mean, my nose is not actually touching you, but this has got to be bothersome. You can’t see out of one of your eyes because my face is so close to your face. Why am I even doing this?

LAST TIME: May, after looking into some reasonable and logical alternatives involving her teenage pregnancy, decides that maybe she should just run away. It is a terrible plan.

No Ordinary Family - Episode 7: "No Ordinary Mobster"

Really? This show has mobsters now? Is it suddenly the 1930’s? Does he have time travel powers? Because that is the only way I’m going to be remotely interested in a goddamn mobster.

LAST TIME: The stereotypical in-laws showed up and were really awful to everyone, but it turned out alright because the father-in-law got some cosmic comeuppance. Oh, also Pills can now see actual images of someone’s mind if she touches them, because they ran out of plot points involving just hearing stray thoughts already. This was used for some dumb plot involving a guy with burns on his face that he didn’t feel like treating.