Wolves in sheeps’ clothing, get it?! With a title like the Gates, and from the trailer I saw a couple of years ago, I was assuming this was a True Blood clone, so it would be vampires. But I guess changing to werewolves proves it as a clone, I guess. This also might be the first show I’ve done on here in which I don’t recognize any of the actors. That will cut down on all my good “previous works” jokes. Because everyone loved those.
0:20 So…an ordinary neighborhood then. Yeah, they never have a scene like this in a show or movie unless horrible is going to happen.
0:56 Move the shower? To where? How do you move a shower?
1:24 I just ran into traffic and stopped in front of a moving car, it’s not like this is completely my fault.
1:58 Forget the fact that it’s, what, late afternoon, and so she shouldn’t be going to school right now.
2:37 He was just on his phone bitching about his wife! This guy is a lying douche bag.
3:28 So…she’s going to murder him, right? Murder him?
4:07 Wait, this is vampire stuff. She’s a vampire. I was not told there would be vampires.
4:38 Properly labeled gate.
4:57 How would being made in England make the gates stronger? Wouldn’t that just make them more expensive to ship?
5:33 How dare you tell that guy how to do his job and not make a stupid mistake.
5:57 She’s precocious!
6:40 A pool in a gated community home? My mind boggles!
7:02 So, did these people really not seen the house before they got here? Did they win it in a contest?
7:57 Apparently vampires can survive in sunlight by putting on SPF 30.
8:40 Don’t say anything racist, son.
9:22 We were just busy looking at something unspecific and chuckling.
10:32 This lady is such a villain! She is working very hard to make sure nobody pays any attention to the obvious murder.
11:10 There are like three boxes on this table and it’s STRESSING ME OUT!
12:07 Wait, the son is like 15 minutes late to his first class and there is absolutely no comment?
12:38 WHAT? NO! Did you just start talking about Flannery O’Connor because he had lupus and you got to talk about werewolves?
13:32 Also, I’m a hot girl, so you should do what I say.
14:12 Because knowledge of Irish authors makes you go at mock trial? I’m confused.
14:50 Is that…BLOOD WINE? Guffaw guffaw guffaw.
15:59 He’s home early because he’s bad at golf?
16:34 Oh dear this was sudden!
17:20 Someone who wanted to build a house?
17:57 Ah dang, dead body in the fridge, that’s just something.
18:37 Highly toxic to WEREWOLVES you mean. Stop bringing up wolf stuff!
19:03 Also, why are you at my high school, you’re like 12?
19:52 It took you this long to figure out this is a really stupid idea?
20:30 What have I told you about turning into a werewolf during practice? Save it for the game!
20:57 You can tell he’s a bad influence because he’s wearing a sleeveless shirt.
22:17 Maybe he felt really bad and didn’t want to hang out in a place where he accidentally murdered somebody. Seems reasonable to me.
22:59 Obviously, there is blood in the lasagna.
23:25 She really does just pay random people off with lasagna.
24:09 Hasn’t that guy been dead for like a day? Wouldn’t his blood taste crummy?
25:12 You’re suspicious because she’s intentionally looking for the camera in your 1984-like police state? I’d look for cameras all the time too.
26:02 You do? You like prunes? Who likes prunes?
26:41 Woo, lie detector confession!
27:14 I’m surprised this attractive girl is flummoxed that someone might find her attractive.
27:54 Man, teenage werewolves are such assholes.
28:20 Sure…intentionally walk into the restroom where you heard noises of destruction and vandalism.
30:06 Listen, police chief, I’m the sleezy land developer who wants you to stop sticking your nose into things. You know how this works.
31:20 What the hell are these people talking about?
31:51 Oh no there’s something wrong with the tea!
32:31 You…you do understand that there are cameras everywhere, right police chief? You are going to get into a shitload of trouble for this.
33:12 Oh also, there are vampires in that house.
33:35 Maybe a werewolf or something.
34:01 They sure do love dramatic stings over people just looking into the middle distance.
34:45 Oh wah, domestic vampire, you knew this would happen when you got married.
36:10 Any light at all would be nice, thanks.
36:51 They would have had to go to school regardless, it was just coincidence that the story was in the paper.
37:42 You guys have heard about Middlesex, right? I mean, the book is only five years old when this show was aired.
38:27 And I didn’t want to make things worse by getting a boner.
39:08 Fireworks? In September? What possible reason would there be for those?
39:59 Maybe an ice cream sandwich?
40:57 What the hell are you doing, walking around in this unlit park? This is an awful fucking idea.
41:25 Hey guys, a werewolf! I didn’t know there would be werewolves in this show.
42:20 OH NO! The old police chief, who should have been in another state or something, was killed in the forest!
Verdict: Any more obvious notes you want to hit here guys? I mean, secret cabal of vampires, werewolves, and witches, and they hid in the idyllic suburbs? I mean, this is pretty much just Buffy meets Desperate Housewives. And throw in all of the True Blood. All of it.
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