Swinging back to Marvel to focus on some marginalized character that nobody actually cares about. I have been recently introduced to the son of Hulk in the Dark Avengers, which replaced the Thunderbolts because apparently their adventures through time got boring or something, I don’t know. Anyway, the son of Hulk, Skaar I guess his name is, is the new leader of that dumb team, and I want to find out who the hell he is.
Then I do a modicum of research and find out that Skaar isn’t even IN this book, this about Hulk’s other son, who is less green and besworded and more skinny and naked and an orphan and no doubt obnoxious. Blech. Well, I’ve already typed three paragraphs, can’t turn back now.
Page 1, Panel 1: Also skeletons, apparently. There were skeletons before people, who knew?
Panel 1, Panel 4: Guy seems pretty nonchalant about being in an deadly asteroid field.
Page 2, Panel 1: Calm down, mandible face.
Page 2, Panel 6: Maybe she'd have an easier time working the controls if she didn't have giant swords grafted to her arms.
Page 3, Panel 4: So...the ship is flying itself? How did these guys even think to get on the ship if they weren't sure it was going to work?
Page 4, Panel 2: Yo Galactus! How are you, buddy? Destroying shit for no reason, that's cool.
Page 5, Panel 4: This chick moves fast. 'Noticed you were stand over here by yourself, what's your name, we must remain together forever.'
Page 6, Panel 3: I know all this because somebody has to.
Page 7, Panel 2: I was joking before, but it really does appear that this lady has two giant blades on the end of each arm instead of hands. How would she control the ship? How does she eat?
Page 7, Panel 3: Don't worry about the dead, surely there's something for 'em.
Page 8, Panel 6: Hiro disapproves generally of what Galactus is up to.
Page 9, Panel 2: Oh man, is the Galactus game on? What's the score?
Page 9, Panel 8: Our hero basically said, "Man, screw this book, it's dumb, I'm out."
Page 10, Panel 1: Laaaaaaaaaa!
Page 11, Panel 4: That equals one million.
Page 11, Panel 5: Both of whom I know even though I'm an orphan slave who shouldn't have such illustrious parents.
Page 12, Panel 2: Oh okay, Ghost Mom. Well, better than Bill Cosby, I guess.
Page 13, Panel 1: Just keep on saying the phrase "Stone Drone" as if it wasn't stupid.
Page 13, Panel 3: This guy is still standing at the edge of the room freaking out? It's been literally days.
Page 14, Panel 1: Those mandible guys are just loving this guy's denouncement of the messiah.
Page 14, Panel 2: Does he mean when he went outside just a few minutes ago? Because he wasn't gone very long, he wouldn't have needed any food or water. Did we miss a part?
Page 14, Panel 4: Oh gross, at least lower him to the ground if you're going to explode his head.
Page 15, Panel 4: I like this guy's name. Axeman Bone. It's pretty metal.
Page 16, Panel 2: Also, he has superpowers and blew up a guy's head, I'm pretty sure he's the Messiah.
Page 16, Panel 4: That's what the reader wants to know! Is he going to hulk out later or...?
Page 17, Panel 4: Seriously dude...she is WAY into you. The aloof trick is apparently working.
Page 18, Panel 1: Axeman has an axe? (Of course he has an axe.)
Page 18, Panel 3: Somehow!
Page 19, Panel 1: How can a land be "covered" in earthquakes?
Page 19, Panel 4: This places sounds pretty sweet, why don't you want to come here...oh, xenophobic fuckheads, okay.
Page 20, Panel 4: ROBOT BEES!
Page 21, Panel 2: Did they at least put a Keep Out sign on the planet? It's pretty bullshit to immediately kill and take the stuff of everyone who accidently lands there.
Page 22, Panel 1: Man, this guy has such a god complex. (If you saw the panel you'd realize the joke is how dumb this joke is.)
Verdict: Well that was boring. And as I understand, it was also a sudden and unnecessary shift away from what the comic was actually about too. We are just suddenly hanging with these jerks and hearing their dumb story, with Mr. Mary Sue and his god powers starting a fight with Galactus. Of course, Galactus is just a big dumb monster in this story, it's really Skaar he should fight with, because of all of his terrible stupid decisions. But whatever, let's see if this goes anywhere.
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