LAST TIME: Simon Dark comes back to life for no reason after dying for no reason. He goes to stop a rape that would’ve happened for no reason, and then some guy destroys another guy’s eye for no reason. You get what I’m going for here.
Page 1, Panel 1: GAH FACE! Not the face!
Page 2, Panel 1: Hold up, this secret organization has a rogue agent and they DON’T want to kill him? The hell?
Page 2, Panel 3: Hurble durble random pointless vague plot building that will never be explained hurble durble
Page 3, Panel 2: Because there’s a positive correlation between fear and profits?
Page 4, Panel 2: Minor damn nitpick, but who starts right a journal entry on the left page? Also, GO BACK INSIDE! YOU WERE ALMOST RAPED YESTERDAY!
Page 5, Panel 1: Probably because he looks and acts like a total pussy.
Page 6, Panel 3: Oh hey there he is, just leaping from roof to roof. Wait…he was on the previous page? Just…just watching her? Um…
Page 6, Panel 5: Coroners: Cool, apparently.
Page 7, Panel 3: Rut-roo!
Page 7, Panel 4: Haha! Dual running into telephone poles! They should turn this into a comedy comic.
Page 8, Panel 1: Yosemite Sam lumps? That’s…a goddamn weird reference from a 15-year-old.
Page 9, Panel 2: We are basing that on absolutely nothing, there is literally no evidence linking Simon to the beheading in the first issue. Oh, also, you yourself have reason to believe he is dangerous. He threatened and kidnapped a man in front of you.
Page 9, Panel 5: She seemed so excited to met her just a few pages ago.
Page 10, Panel 5: HIIIIII!
Page 12, Panel 1: Is there some kind of lowered-gravity field in this bunker? Why can people just effortlessly fall down here? And how do you get back out again?
Page 12, Panel 3: Hang on, why does Simon have like a dozen copies of Moby Dick? Does he code of conduct allow him to steal that book without worry? Why?
Page 12, Panel 6: Apparently there’s a connection between Simon and Moby Dick? I don’t get it.
Page 13, Panel 1: CAT ATTACK! This kitten will fuck you up!
Page 14, Panel 1: Just grabbing a quick lunch at the abandoned church.
Page 14, Panel 5: UM! Eddie the Machete was caught in the act, and Simon was gunned down by the police at the scene. Why would that supposedly dead guy be a suspect?
Page 15, Panel 3: Primarily, because we are needlessly focused on a guy that we have no reason to believe has actually committed a crime.
Page 15, Panel 5: GRR! I might be a zombie!
Page 16, Panel 1: Karate Chop! I’m Jackie Chan!
Page 17, Panel 3: Maybe make one of your primaries a blonde? So we can tell them apart? Who is this fourth person?
Page 18, Panel 4: Oh…it’s the girl from earlier, who just wandered over here for no reason, despite being super dismissive of this lady. Sure yeah okay.
Page 19, Panel 1: How hard could it have been to put in some stairs?
Page 20, Panel 1: I mean, I’m only completely obsessed with the guy and write about him in my teenager journal. I don’t have a crush on him, cha.
Page 20, Panel 4: This girl has been in town for like three days, how does she already have an impression on random people in the neighborhood?
Page 21, Panel 3: Hey guys. Standing over here in my bright red shirt. Maybe pay any attention at all. Come on, seriously, not that hard to spot.
Page 21, Panel 4: *CHEECH* You have established a new bond.
Page 22, Panel 1: AH! AH! AH! AH! That one-eyed asshole totally tore the cat’s head off! Holy shit!
Verdict: OH MY GOD nothing has happened yet. Some teenage girl and some lady become friends, and Simon stalks everyone like a weirdo, and a guy we don’t care about gets scratched up by a cat and then gets caught. Oh, also, a cat get decapitated, so…gross. The art is really good though…but it’s more suited for a graphic novel, not a monthly.
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