So, this is Simon Dark. He’s named after a nursery rhyme native to Gotham City. Apparently there are a lot of those. I don’t understand how nursery rhymes can be native to a city. I also know nothing else about him, besides that he looks creepy and I hate him.
Page 1: Of course there’s abandoned church ruins in Gotham City. Bet there’s an entire district of them.
Page 2, Panel 4: Yeah, sense isn’t all that necessary when you are trying to start a creepy mood.
Page 3, Panel 4: Wicked backflip bro.
Page 4, Panel 2: How dare you murder innocent people in my neighborhood. I will murder you instead!
Page 5, Panel 2: This panel is probably just for atmosphere. Shouldn't read it as anything important.
Page 6, Panel 6: Did one of these guys fart?
Page 7, Panel 1: Well…I guess I got to be getting out of here. Hey, give me a call sometime. We’ll catch the game.
Page 7, Panel 4: You eat money, right? Can’t imagine why you’d have trouble visiting a grocery store or a diner, what with the horror death mask.
Page 8, Panel 1: Coroners have vans? Wouldn’t they just wait for the ambulances to bring the corpses to them?
Page 8, Panel 3: Or…we’re taking it to get an oil change. So one of two things.
Page 9, Panel 1: They built a meth lab in a church? Fucked up.
Page 9, Panel 2: What was it about body two that give him a narrower age window? Was he less fat than the other guy?
Page 10, Panel 1: Wait, this software guy joined a death cult? He has millions of dollars! What the hell?
Page 10, Panel 4: It’s almost like they are there for no reason but to make the audience sad.
Page 11, Panel 2: Oh, and hey, don’t play cop. You don’t have a show on FOX. You can’t get away with too much.
Page 11, Panel 4: I will never understand how a song about murder got into the top 40. Must have been an indie darling with a hip beat and whistling.
Page 12, Panel 4: I continue to be flummoxed by the idea of a quiet neighborhood in Gotham City.
Page 13, Panel 3: Should I care about these two idiots who decided that after midnight was the best time to move to the city where the Joker lives?
Page 14, Panel 4: We would have assumed it was Batman, but for some reason he’s not on the cover, so what can you do?
Page 15, Panel 3: The rules of Geo-Populus also has some weird limitations about what kind of products you are allowed to use. Make sure everything is cruelty-free.
Page 16, Panel 3: It is hilarious to continue to threaten your 14-year-old daughter with abandonment.
Page 17, Panel 3: Of course this emo superhero is stealing an Edgar Allen Poe book.
Page 18, Panel 3: Hey Dad, are you suddenly outside and lurking behind the building, even though literally five seconds ago I heard your voice from inside the house?
Page 18, Panel 6: So…Simon Dark is like the tooth fairy?
Page 19, Panel 4: The Bale Batman voice is versatile and usable in a variety of situations, such as when this Hot Topic nightmare starts monologing.
Page 20, Panel 3: Cat Food, Simon. For cats. You’re not a cat. Don’t know what you are, but you aren’t a cat.
Page 20, Panel 6: This convenience store clerk just decided that now would be a great time to start playing poker with himself.
Page 21, Panel 3: I couldn’t be more excited to fall an unknown distance!
Page 22, Panel 1: Oh he does have a cat. Guess what color it is? Go on…guess.
Page 22, Panel 3: And our hero has emo’d himself to sleep.
Verdict: (yawn) Was something supposed to happen? Because I am not seeing it. I guess there’s a cult, and a medical examiner, and some dumb family who moved to Gotham City because they are goddamn dumb and holy crap I cannot bring myself to care. Seriously, at least leave us on a cliffhanger, instead of a guy lying on a bed.
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