LAST TIME: Nobody gets what they want. Everyone is sad and alone, FBI Guy is in jail, Charlie and crew are going…somewhere, Beardo’s daughter is dead, even Babysitter is sad because of something that is not worth being drowned over. It sucks for everyone, okay?
1:01 Wait, when did FBI Guy have that line about being on a bender? I missed it?
1:16 In case you don’t know basic math, it will be 72 minutes until 10 p.m.
1:40 If you’re going to have a line about a firework being shaped like a star, maybe tell your SFX guy about it?
2:58 Nurse Guy was inspired to try to trick this poor lady because he saw she’s reading romance novels so obviously she’s a sap.
3:46 HA! And she asks for a bribe!
4:25 Wouldn’t the sun be up? It’s like 8:30 a.m. in Afghanistan, assuming this is happening at the same time.
6:48 The FBI director is letting FBI Guy go back into the office?! Isn’t that the worst idea?
7:42 Yep! Two bombs in the FBI office, despite the fact that it’s been under lock and key for weeks!
8:56 Oh hell how did Magician Guy find her?
9:22 Magician Guy has bodyguards? Oh right, everyone has a bodyguard.
10:27 Wait, the contact number she left was the restaurant they might go to in the future one day? Not, say, her home or that guy who gave her a job?
12:07 And the mother, who has been nothing but a complete villain the entire time, suddenly wants her to succeed?
13:13 THE HELL? You need a friend, so I called your sponsor, who, by the way, is in Afghanistan on a top secret mission for me oh forget I said that.
14:01 And…he leaves the car despite the fact that he was told specifically not to do so. This guy is a bit of an idiot.
15:12 What should we do until then? Sex? I mean!
16:04 Hahaha, Dmitri got all mad because the door closed automatically. Doors do that, Dmitri.
16:56 “What’s the update?” “Bombs.”
17:20 Isn’t Mosaic kinda like Facebook? How on Earth is that dangerous enough to detonate several bombs?
19:19 And now I have to solve it before the dean gets his car washed!
20:17 Oh fat black agent, I will miss you most of all. He forgot his car keys in the building.
21:32 Might I remind you two lovebirds that your young children are totally in the house and the door to the bedroom is open oh never mind I don’t care.
22:40 Thanks dragonfly lady who knows who Kiko is somehow!
23:27 NO! Babysitter drove into a lake! That explains everything!
23:54 So…did all these people on the street flashforward to see themselves at a sweet street party?
24:43 “That’s cute,” I assume, even though it doesn’t make any sense.
25:17 Wait, Babysitter got out of her car somehow and she’s still drowning?
26:44 Ah…Nurse Guy and Japanese Lady found each other after all, and Babysitter was being saved, not drowned! Everything is going to be okay!
27:58 Alright FBI Director, this flashforward is decidedly more awesome than hiding in a bathroom oh son of a bitch.
29:31 The next blackout is in twelve minutes! What are the odds? And how dumb is it that’s the way we find out?
31:25 So, is CIA Guy a bad guy or not? Because he’s still ambiguously dickish.
32:06 Okay, that twenty seconds of raw carnage was completely unnecessary on account of we know there’s no way he’s in that office.
33:09 Boy don’t you feel stupid! Assuming that someone was planning on killing you for six months for no reason!
34:47 WOO YEAH! We were way under on our special effects budget! Let’s blow it all now!
35:59 Hey what’s up it’s me, a bomb. They didn’t hide me very well did they?
36:48 Ah, the dead man’s head stuck in the elevator trope. Always a lovely one.
37:15 Oh he sounded so mad! “What the hell are you still doing in the building, you dummie?”
38:08 Everyone quickly sit down or park their car or whatever, because there’s another blackout coming in like, two minutes. Just FYI.
39:22 Wait hey weren’t there two guys?
40:03 The hell are you doing FBI Guy? Being on a helicopter is a bloody stupid idea during a blackout!
41:35 That fucking kangaroo!
42:17 EXPLOSION!
Verdict: Sure hope you don’t want to know what happens next! Because that is literally all she wrote. Wow, that was a really confident ending, as in, “there’s no way this can go poorly” confident. Not a single thing was finalized, only the tertiary characters getting anything close to an end to an arc. Man, I almost feel bad for them. The finale was actually pretty well done…except for maybe that “oh, next blackout’s in five minutes” thing. If Baltar knew, why didn’t he tell anybody?
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