LAST TIME: Some dude goes home to Kyoto to hang out with a bunch of crazy ladies and a giant turtle monster attacks. Also, a whole bunch of names ending with vowels are said, in a way that makes me think we were supposed to be paying attention!
0:48 These seem to be giving way more than necessary attention to this waitress in the opening sequence. She’s…she’s just a waitress, right?
1:44 Holy shit a lady on a wagon. Everyone is flabbergasted.
2:37 When in doubt, hit shit with your wooden sword.
3:13 5000 yen? That’s like…$50, isn’t it? Things sure did cost less in the 19th century.
4:02 That sure is a piece of paper alright.
4:17 Wait…so this idiot is borrowing money to pay off this loan? He does understand how credit works, right?
5:07 Is it the cat? Is he going to put up the Paul Lynde cat as collateral? Please?
6:05 This guy really has absolutely no idea how money works. “Let’s issue stock to pay off our debt.”
6:49 Turnip puns are not fucking funny.
7:14 What the mother hell is going on? Turnip monsters?
8:02 So…they really managed to raise enough money to live by issuing turnip insurance? Really?
8:46 Ug! If I really wanted a bunch of economic policy discussion, I would have watched Spice and Wolf.
9:36 Back to Shanghai! It’s super worrisome for some reason.
10:04 Oh no she has become a zombie!
10:39 Oh those Japanese, always stealing every aspect of their culture and society from the Chinese.
11:15 HAHAHAHA! Rickshaw license plates!
11:49 What’s going on in here? Is it a problem a really gay-sounding cat can solve?
12:30 OH, okay. The main character is in love with the waitress lady. That explains it.
13:13 Oh geez, the Paul Lynde cat has fallen in love with the only other male character in the show, big surprise.
13:53 Haha, boob joke, take a drink.
14:24 Thanks, Dave Coulier.
14:51 Well, they seem to be handling all this homosexual overtones pretty well for turn-of-the-century folk.
15:43 “This cake is great.” HUGE UNCOMFORTABLE FIVE-SECOND SILENCE. “Thanks.”
16:16 Wait…if what you’re trying to achieve is already in effect, then why go forward with the plan?
17:06 Oh hey, gross tentacle monster. That didn’t take long.
17:24 WHAT A DICK! What is wrong with the main characters? Come on, octopus, why are your standards so high?
17:55 UG! Of course he is abducting underage girls. (Japan.)
18:30 Everyone eat my fucking cake!
19:06 Nice, um, calling card.
19:46 Oh he is King Konging this bitch.
20:03 Oh Christ, the octopus defeated that guy with panty shots.
20:45 I like how this octopus sounds like a huge creep, even with the fat guy voice.
21:22 BUH, how did she slice that entire building in half?
21:43 Yo, what’s up, I can fly, apparently!
22:40 But…but…the loan was for six thousand. Have their forgotten their own plot points already?
24:49 And now absolutely everyone is naked.
Verdict: That had very little to do with touching of hair! The gross octopus was kind of fun, although the central conflict was a bit stupid. How hard could it have been to just…ask him to stay? Instead of resorting to some crazy pheromone-based plot? I don’t know.
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