FlashForward - Episode 21: "Countdown"

It’s the…final…one?

LAST TIME: They caught the bad guy! And Baltar made everyone really uncomfortable! And Beardo saved his daughter! And…I don’t know, Dmitri is having problems for reasons that they have no adequately explained? Let’s just get going.

Demon King Daimao - Episode 8: "Eyeing Her Over?"

Well it’s not like you gave me a choice, anime! I mean, last episode you had a character get naked for absolutely no reason! She was even asked twice why she took off her damn clothes, and she never told us! I guess it was to make her invisibility spell work, but she never actually went invisible. But anyway, yeah, okay, what’s the over under on who gets naked this time? The android hasn’t gotten naked in a while, but the witch hat lady hasn’t gotten naked at all! Maybe she pulled the short straw this time. Why am I considering this?

LAST TIME: Everything was going fine until some goddamn lunatic decided to resurrect some terrifying stories-tall sea sponge. Then there was a bunch of bullshit, the little guy suddenly got Gundam armor, and for some reason the government wants the main character to marry the person who absolutely hates him. Well, that’ll happen under Obamacare.

Shadowpact #3: "The (Short) Year of Living Dangerously"

Yeah, right. The monthly book named Shadowpact totally killed off its central team and replaced them a team of nobodies in their third issue. That must be what happened. I totally believe you, Strega. (Man, screw everyone who calls themselves Strega.)

LAST TIME: Shadowpact broke into the blood dome and proceeded to get their ass kicked by the bad guy expy team, but for a perfectly reasonable reason, they can't kill them, so they are going to chain them up instead. That's all. It's a pretty decompressed read.

FlashForward - Episode 20: "The Negotiation"

LAST TIME: Baltar ate a hamburger.

Oh, also, Charlie ran away with the ring, and the peanut gallery wasted time tracking down a killer, which, on retrospect, seems pretty far outside their jurisdiction. And Nurse Guy and Babysitter made out, spurred on by the Babysitter seeing something that she couldn’t possibly have known about. So, real important episode.

Chop Kick Panda

A pleasantly plump panda defends his tiny village against an evil tiger warrior who's bent on retrieving a powerful amulet in this animated tale (no relation to the blockbuster Kung Fu Panda).

NONE YOU SAY? I don’t see why you’d think I would make that comparison. Seriously guys, at least change the bad guy at least. Haven’t you ever heard of MadLibs?

Demon King Daimao - Episode 7: "The Legendary Hero Emerges?!"

Why so shocked, title? You didn’t think a hero would show up? Don’t be so incredulous, guy.

LAST TIME: Lots of tits. Oh, and apparently there’s some prophecy on this island that suggests that the main character might die, but I really don’t see that happening. And the robot was shot. And people are drunk. Okay, I guess a lot of other stuff did happen.

Shadowpact #2: "Pentacle"

Oh Detective Chimp looks so scared! Don’t try to stab him with a knife! Also, I like how they managed to get almost everyone on here, except the only person who actually got in a fight last issue. I guess we’ve already seen that?

LAST ISSUE: There’s some kind of blood bubble over a boring Colorado town, Superman can’t deal, so instead the magic squad goes in and they still haven’t come out yet. It’s been like a year. What the heck is going on in there? Are they having a party?

FlashForward - Episode 19: "Course Correction"

That is assuming that the series isn’t heading straight for a ditch.

LAST TIME: FBI Lesbian isn’t really a saboteur after all. She was just pretending to be one to trick the bad guys. Also, Nurse Lady still think she’s in the FBI and meets with Baltar, who lets her know that D. Gibbons did experiments on him, and also her entire life is a lie. So, that’s great.

Superman/Batman Apocalypse

Hey, you guys remember that comic book I read, right? With Supergirl and Darkseid and a whole bunch of confusing plot points. Well, apparently they made a movie out of that arc. I know! And it was probably animated in Flash, so that counts for my CGI requirement. Shut up it does.

NetFlix Synopsis: Endowed with powers equal to Superman's, Supergirl splashes down on Earth in the midst of a hail of Kryptonite. No sooner has she landed than the problems begin for the Caped Crusader, who must rescue her when Darkseid nabs her. To thwart Darkseid's plans to make Supergirl one of his Female Furies, Batman must join forces with Superman to confront the powerful enemies Darkseid has assembled around his control center in Apokolips.

Wait, there was a hail of Kryptonite? How? Did the dust from planet Krypton finally get here? And why is it Batman’s job to take care of her? She’s Supergirl. Ask for Superman’s help, dummy. They have the same name!

Demon King Daimao - Episode 6: "Let's Go to the Beach House"

There’s a…beach school. Oh god, this is a swimsuit episode isn’t it? Okay! Bring it on! I can take it!

LAST TIME: Our heroes, all of them, even though half of them seemed to do it randomly, went down into some secret catacombs, managed to wake up a fucking dragon, and then the dragon was tamed by the main character and now everyone suddenly lives underground? Also people can not stop leaping panties first at our hero. He’s got appeal?

Shadowpact #1: "Death in a Small Town"

There is but one reason and one reason alone I am reading Shadowpact. Okay two. The first being I just finished a Marvel story, so I should wait until I go after Trouble (Oh yes, it’s coming). But the second is Detective Chimp. Who doesn’t love Detective Chimp? He’s a monkey who wears a deerstalker! There are also five other guys here though…and I only really recognize Blue Devil, also known as like the only Christian in the DC universe. So of course he looks like a devil. So let’s meet all these other guys, huh?

FlashForward - Episode 18: "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road"

So, you’re referencing a song that references a concept in a book, even though the song has nothing to do with the book and seems to muddle the concept of the yellow brick road in the first place. Therefore, I’m going to assume that the episode itself really misses the reference, and everything can confused and awful.

LAST TIME: Dmitri is safe! And D. Gibbons is dead! But not before being super cryptic and then dying from a shot to the head from the single character whose importance since the very beginning was shockingly unclear. Why was the FBI tracking the Terrorist Lady in the first place is she was actually a member of this super secret organization that they didn’t even know about yet? And why the hell would she be in a moving car during the blackout that should knew was going to happen? Anyway! Now Baltar is suddenly in the cast, so that’ll make things more exciting.

Taking a snooze

I have been slowly falling behind, so I'm going to take the week off, build up my back catalog again, and wait until after I buy a crapload of comics trades with my special coupon before I select the next Comics Wednesdays. So...don't expect anything this week. Sorry, nobody reading this!