LAST TIME: Our heroes are still pyschotic murderers who have illusions of world domination, except for the girl who can’t seem to cover her midriff, who apparently was raised by a complete monster. Seriously, she gets raped, and her dad’s all like, “Totally her fault.” And since when is having invulnerability a sign of mortal sin? I’m glad that guy died from being on fire.
Page 1, Panel 1: Wouldn’t they be easier to see if they were flying?
Page 3-4: There are some great things about this double-spread, none of them actually good. For one, the insane death smile on fake Wonder Woman’s face. Two: Fishgirl just destroying this random wall for no reason. Three: The guy just straight off jumping off a roof to get away from a car that exploded. “Oh dear!” he seems to say.
Page 5, Panel 3: Hey Flash, they probably don’t know English. Nice try though.
Page 5, Panel 4: “Have I always had these hands?”
Page 6, Panel 5: Hey asshole, the Taliban is pretty bad. It’s tough to look worse than the Taliban.
Page 7, Panel 1: Wait, they have killed less people than a standard bombing? I find that super dubious! They are straight up killing everyone.
Page 7, Panel 4: Look at my crouch.
Page 9, Panel 2: Go ahead, leave the megalomaniac with the defenseless little girl. This will surely not be awful.
Page 9, Panel 6: Oh man, Adam Scott as a Green Lantern. I can see it. (On retrospect, this comment is a huge leap even if you had all the context.)
Page 10, Panel 1: Or, as normal people say, “Let’s go talk over there.”
Page 10, Panel 6: Yeah okay Straczynski, I get it, those Arabs sure are savages. Especially when you can pick and choose what stories when you present to us, shithead.
Page 11, Panel 1: We’re still not done with Midriff’s flashbacks?
Page 11, Panel 2: Hang on, her dad cheated on her mom and then killed her within days of her being raped? JESUS.
Page 12, Panel 5: SPLOSION!
Page 13, Panel 4: He doesn’t have a key to a file cabinet in the church that he runs?
Page 14, Panel 1: Ah, Jesus SAVES magazine issue 3. That was a good one.
Page 16, Panel 1: Oh man, hate when my burrito break is interrupted by death screams.
Page 16, Panel 4: Hurray he’s dead! Dramatically pinned to the wall with a cross! That’s fun!
Page 17, Panel 1: Hey fuckhead rapists. She has a goddamn name.
Page 17, Panel 4: I should not be so happy about so many jerks being murdered!
Page 18, Panel 1: I have a feeling that this little girl will be able to readily identify her father. Even if he is a complete dick.
Page 19, Panel 2: Okay, this is pretty messed up. I’m done cheering horrific revenge plots now.
Page 20, Panel 4: The sound of heads being stabbed to death by a little girl is Chunnk.
Page 20, Panel 5: They even have matching half-shirts!
Page 21, Panel 4: Okay, that’s not how you play dominoes. Dominoes is a set-matching game, you technically mean playing with dominoes.
Page 21, Panel 5: It’s okay if we do something vaguely unethical, that guy over there is doing it.
Page 22, Panel 2: OH NO! It’s…..that guy! (I guess we met him in a previous series?)
Verdict: Yep, that sure was a vicious cycle of revenge and violence, as well as some good old fashioned propaganda. Mind, this came out 2006, right around the same time when the political rhetoric about Iran was at one of many fever pitches, and we have been told nothing but how the terrible violence that our heroes are bringing to the country is justified. So, yeah, continue to screw yourself, Straczynski.
In brighter news, I just realize that the black guy is a reboot of the Whizzer! I like the Whizzer! He has a horrible name!
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