Friday, January 6, 2012

Rideback - Episode 5: "The Mysterious RideBack Girl"

There’s another one? I thought we already had two mysterious rideback ladies. Well, hey, more ladies, more things to masturbate to. I mean!

LAST TIME: The best friend was suddenly and inexplicably trapped during a terrorist attack, and the ballerina decided the only logical action was to go and save her on a Rideback. This caused the entire army (all of them) to fire guns at them, and they manage to escape thanks to some white-haired guy. I don’t know.

0:11 What? Leaning her up against the door like that? That’s rude! She just survived a terrorist attack!

0:34 All club activities are canceled!? Why?

2:39 Photoshop is apparently still very popular in the future.

3:01 That’s a great question! Who does call a midnight press conference?

3:19 Notice that her hair is really short and blonde and the hair of the female in this photo is long and black. Obviously we’re on the right track here.

4:16 I assume you own a bed! Why aren’t you sleeping there?

5:14 Rain, generally. Rain is the motif they are going for. Don’t like rain? Too bad.

5:58 Are we still accusing this lady? She looks absolutely nothing like the lady in the photo! The hair is completely wrong! Surely her own brother knows this? Did he think she was wearing a wig?

6:38 Sure hope you speak Japanese, everyone else.

7:18 Why are they tending to a garbage fire? Don’t they have heaters?

8:22 Cleaning up what? There is literally nothing going on.

8:44 I don’t, but thanks for the business card anyway, crazy journalist lady.

9:01 WHAT ELSE would she be investigating? What other story could there possibly be?

9:27 Who are these karate guys? Why are they running around in the rain? Can we get maybe twenty straight seconds without goddamn rain in this?

10:10 People who are lying low are never hungry!

11:01 I can’t help but notice that you have short, blonde hair. That should be the end of this area of inquiry.

11:32 Wait, you are allowed to take your cup of tea into the library in Japan? So classy.

12:31 I give you permission to leave, even though I wasn’t even forcing you to stay.

13:18 Oh shit it’s this guy. Whoever the hell he apparently is.

13:45 Man, for 20 years in the future, video games look like they are at least 20 years old.

14:25
Wait, what is the fat guy doing? What other plans can that guy possibly have?

14:48 Hello, welcome to the Sexy Special Forces. I’ll be the Sexy Lieutenant.

15:38 I mean, it is absolutely impossible for a civilian to be highly trained in using a civilian vehicle.

16:55 In the name of responsible journalist, we decided to suppress information. Because that’s what journalists do.

18:58 They have spent two minutes building up some serious tension and I have no idea why.

19:39 Because it was remarkably boring, and various sports events that my family has participated in makes for remarkably dull smart talk.

19:49 “It selects for Ogata danceschool Children” Not even close, translators! Good try though. (But not really.)

20:12 Ah…she has a crush on the horrifying alien with no pupils.

20:53 Wait, it’s only 6:02? Man, she left the party way too early.

21:54 “Until they ride with souls unfettered, victory will even elude their grasp.” This terrorist is a poet, and he doesn’t even know it.

 23:43 Who shot that arrow?! What does it signify?

Verdict: Wow that sure was filler. They spent an entire episode having all the character figuring out what the audience already knew, and…I really don’t know what the stakes are here. Is the government going to arrest the ballerina? I mean, it really was pure coincidence that she was there. She just happens to be mildly associated with a possible terrorist sympathizer. She’s talked with him twice!

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