Hell yeah, Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman all teaming up to fight a horde of Doomsdays. Wait a minute, what this have to do at all with the current storyline? Oh wait, this is the variant cover. That makes a lot more sense, as the actual cover (right) features stuff that believably would happen in this issue, mainly, Wonder Woman is doing what she said she would, training Supergirl on her island to keep her away from the nasty influence of boys. Ick boys. Can’t really blame the fanboys at my resource for comic covers for calling the first one the true cover though, it is cool, even though it has nothing to do with nothing. Although I didn’t notice at first, but Batman totally has swords. Two of them. Why does he have swords? When and why would Batman ever use swords?
LAST TIME: Superman and Batman became surrogate adoptive parents of Supergirl’s, going so far as to bicker like a married couple and disapprove of the ridiculous things she chooses to wear. Then Wonder Woman shows up to steal her to protect her from Doomsday. At least, I hope that’s the plan. Otherwise Wonder Woman’s involvement here makes no sense.
Page 1, Panel 3: Superman is all grouchy. Poor guy.
Page 2: This has gone on for weeks now? It’s time to get over it, Superman. Also, again this comics goes so far to keep this in real time. That’s weird.
Page 3: Jeez, Artemis. How can that be comfortable? Why does everyone need to see just that one part of your butt?
Page 3, Part 2: Batman, what the hell are you talking about? First, you will NOT do everything that is necessary. You won’t use a gun and you won’t kill (at least, when the comic doesn‘t suck). Those are called restrictions, bro. Second, why are you bringing this up at all?
Page 4, Panel 1: I don’t actually believe that she has friends, because I’m Superman, and I’m being a whiny bitch.
Page 5, Panel 1: Gee, I wonder why Superman overreacted here. It’s only like you told his cousin to prepare for something while holding a sword to her throat.
Page 6, Panel 1: What? Why would her sword have shattered? Because she has Super skin? Still isn’t fun to be stabbed.
Page 6, Panel 4: The Apartment. In bold.
Page 7, Panel 5: Supergirl sure is moody and confrontational like a real teenager instead of an alien raised on a separate planet.
Page 7, Panel 6: And Batman continues to try and remind everyone that he’s still here.
Page 8, Panel 1: WHAT? Batman was the one who called Wonder Woman to attack them in Metropolis? Didn't he fight one of them, to the point of being threatened with death? Did someone miss the memo?
Page 8, Panel 3: Isn’t this fun? Flying with your arms out like this? Come on! Smile!
Page 8, Panel 4: Huh? Wasn’t it Joe Chill? Isn’t he dead? Why are we talking about this?
Page 9, Panel 3: And…death sentence. Harbinger is not long for this world.
Page 9, Panel 6: Wait? Huh? Infinite Crisis? How does Harbinger remember Infinite Crisis, or specifically the orb she is walking around with? This is confusing.
Page 10-11: HOLY SHIT DOOMSDAY! I didn’t expect to see him here! Sure, it’s only one Doomsday, but that gives the variant cover some validity.
Page 10, Panel 4: What? How did Luthor have Doomsday? Why did he give him to Darkseid? When did Luthor die? I’m going to assume this was known during the time when this was originally published, because I’m just confused and mildly angry.
Page 11, Panel 2: There we go! Horde of Doomsdays! As promised. I take back everything I said. (Well, not everything, but you get it.)
Page 11, Panel 5: And Batman gets a sword! Everything is…
Page 12: Wait, that’s an axe. Not the same. Variant issue cover sucks now.
Page 12, Panel 1: Batman, why the hell are you blaming this invasion of Superman? This is obvious just a villain being a fucking villain. Get off your “friend’s” back.
Page 14, Panel 2: Um, there typically isn’t, Wonder Woman. This is Doomsday. Skin as thick is iron. I’m pretty sure your crappy spear wouldn’t draw blood.
Page 14, Panel 4: Wait, if Superman can get punched across the island, how does anyone else stand a chance against these guys?
Page 15, Panel 1: What? When? When did one of these Doomsdays talk?
Page 16, Panel 2: Do you mean robot? Robots are non-living things that move around and look like things. You can call them robots.
Page 17, Panel 4: That is the appropriate thing to do after saving someone’s life. Apologize.
Page 18, Panel 1: OH DANG HE MAD. Also, the text boxes seem intent on being complete nuts for no reason.
Page 20, Panel 4: I didn’t know you could do that once! You death rayed the entire crowd of robots! Something that is implied you would not do if they were alive!
Page 21, Panel 4: Oh no! They killed Supergirl!
Page 22, Panel 1: Oh wait hang out. This is Harbinger. Gee, maybe if the artist could draw more than one female face, this wouldn’t be a problem. RIP Harbinger. Sorry you died for a crappy reason.
Page 22, Panel 5: Well no shit. Of course Darkseid is involved. You knew that already.
Verdict: There was a fight with a horde of Doomsdays! Besides that it was pretty dumb. I got really confused because the artist couldn’t seem to make the two blonde heroines look different at all, and they kept making small callbacks to the past that made things even more confusing. Having Harbinger see a dead blonde being carried by Superman made me think this was going to get cleverer than it actually was, and instead the exact same thing I expected happened. Hello kidnapped Supergirl, let’s all go to Apokolips.
*Superman/Batman and all associated characters are property of DC Comics.
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